What It's Like To Go To Mom-Son School

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It didn’t take long before my kids were learning things I’d never learned — maybe they were in second or third grade. If you count high facility with Legos, then earlier than that.

When my youngest was about eight, he was in the kitchen chatting with me while I made dinner.

“Mom,” he said, pointing to one of my five thousand house plants, “If you cut off the dead leaves on your plant, it’ll stop pushing energy to save them and start giving that to the rest of the plant. Then it’ll grow better.”

I never knew this. Sure, I knew trimming the dead leaves was desirable, but I hadn’t realized what an effect it would have on the health of the plant.

“Wow. Did you learn this in school?” He nodded.

Right then was a juncture, one of those pivots to a foundational path. I saw something in him — knowledge I didn’t have — and this was a gift of an opportunity. What if I asked him for more of his knowledge, and created a little lesson from son to mom?

What I liked about this idea more than anything was it played wonderfully into my constant goalpost to let my kids know they had validity, autonomy, and valuable knowledge. From a young age, I wanted to show them in subtle ways that I saw them as small people, not just little kids.

I looked over at him and asked for more.

“I didn’t know that, honey. That’s so useful to know. What else can you tell me about plants?”

Thus, the many lessons from my kids over the years began.

The lessons were quite formal sometimes. I’d make explicit that I’d love to know what they knew on a certain subject. Would you mind teaching me? I’d say.

For example, economics. They started learning basic concepts in elementary school. I’d never taken an Econ class, so you bet I asked them to tell me the interesting things they were learning on the subject.

Later, their interests solidified around technology, physics, and math — just like their dad. Luckily, I took some math and computer programming classes in college, so I have a general idea of what the landscape looks like when they talk endlessly about these things in the kitchen.

My husband isn’t a gifted teacher of entry-level knowledge, but our kids are fabulous at it and generously so. Was that influenced by the Mom-Son lessons? Maybe. If so, I will die happy.

When I look around at the big group of my extended family, one person stands out as someone who regularly let others know he had a genuine interest in what they could teach him — my grandfather.

Grandpa was smart, wise, kind, gentle, and a knowledge gatherer. I think he also knew that when he sat down with you, looked you earnestly in the eye, and asked you for your expertise on something, he was also building you up.

Your expertise might have been at the middle-school level, but it was information nevertheless, and he taught you through his interest in what you had to say that you had a seat at the table. Imagine how valuable that might be to a twelve-year-old.

Through the years, I’ve had lessons from my kids on a variety of subjects. I’ve been taught some concepts of physics numerous times, even if I don’t always retain those lessons. I finally understand the Doppler effect though, thanks to the super-human patience of my teachers.

I’ve taken kitchen-counter classes on computer hardware, software, algorithms, privacy concerns, and tech world politics. Of late, I’m getting a mom certification in autonomous vehicle perception and simulation concepts. I have an ongoing enrollment in cooking techniques using a wok and a blender. And while my guitar lessons have taken a backseat lately, the things I learned from them I’ll never forget.

This past February my birthday came when my husband was out of the country on business. The only one around was my oldest son. Before he took me out to dinner, he happily obliged my one birthday request — we take a walk together. We set out at the end of the afternoon on a sunny day that was moving toward sunset. Folks weren’t on the trail much, so we had the place to ourselves.

Then I asked for my big present — would he please teach me a little bit about AI? Specifically, I had questions about ChatGPT, sentience, and other points. The lesson started off with me explaining my curiosities about an article I’d read earlier that day. Then he started teaching.

I hope I never forget that walk. I remember how his voice sounded when he explained the topic with clarity and respect. It was a treasure of a birthday. There was a celebration of connection with my son. There was the gift of a true learning experience for me. There was an honoring of having a seat at the table, except this time I sat with awe at my son’s table. I can’t tell you how much gratitude I have for that one precious seat.

We all have so much to teach — and much to learn.

Be well, friends.