Surveillance Camera Chats Make the World Go Round

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It was getting dark the other day, so that meant I’d better get up from the writing mind cloud I was in, put on my shoes, and go water my neighbor’s plants. They were off traveling and I’d been promoted to Temporary Plant Mom. I didn’t want to be alone in their house in the dark because I have a spooked-out gene in me. This means I won’t watch horror flicks with you — ever.

I brought my mini-flashlight to ensure I could see the necessary details to get into the house, but once I entered, I discovered I had no earthly idea how to turn on any of the five million light switches dotting the walls through the home.

Are you thinking, “How can she not know how to turn on a light switch?”?

If so, I don’t blame you. The answer is: who knows? But to be fair, they’re sort of technical.

Lucky for me — a top packer in the field of Packing for Any Possible Moment in Life — I had my flashlight.

Are you now thinking, “Oh my gosh, she’s awesome!”?

If so, you’re half right and half wrong. The answer is: it’s true, I was well equipped, but now I looked just like a professional robber.

If someone had seen my flashlight flittering around the house through the windows maybe the police would have been called out, but that didn’t happen.

Something funny happened instead.

Plant care complications

The thing of note about this neighbor is she’s the adoptive mom of many of my plants. Because she loves plants and is willing to adopt mine, I hurl my old plants across the street at her so I can go buy a cool new species. It’s a perfect arrangement but it meant I had a lot of watering to do!

No worries. I’d brought my own watering jug so I got to work. I puttered from plant to plant, checked the dryness of the soil, and then administered the proper amount of water. Then I went to the kitchen for a water refill. This is when this story gets horror-flicky.

Above the sound of the running water, I heard a voice to my left. My heart whacked itself against my breastbone. My head snapped to the left and I scanned the area.

While I couldn’t hear what the voice said above the noise of the water, the tone seemed almost theatrical, or even like it knew me. I wasn’t totally sold on the idea it was a robber telling me this was my unluckiest day ever, but I held open that possibility. My first thought: is this Alexa?

But I know nothing about Alexa

The voice spoke again. This time I could tell it was coming from the end of the kitchen counter where some tech equipment was sitting. Whew. For sure it was Alexa.

Keep in mind, this was all transpiring in the dark because I don’t know how to turn on a light switch.

I scanned the end of the kitchen with my flashlight. Nothing was there, but the voice was now definitely talking to me in a very non-Alexa sort of way — humanlike.

“What are you doing in my house?” it said in a spooky voice.

What on earth?

Had my friend programmed Alexa to say something when sound or motion is detected? Can you do that? Regardless, it didn’t sound like Alexa. It sounded like a real person.

“What are you doing in my house?” it said again.

This time, I was closer to the voice and realized this was a real person. Once I located a small surveillance camera up at the ceiling and saw its tiny light shining down on me, I realized this was my neighbor’s husband playing a joke on me.

“Is that you?!” I hollered up, laughing now because instead of a robber, it was my zany friend putting me on.

“What are you doing in my house?” the camera repeated in faux seriousness.

I played along.

“I’m here to rob your house! Stop bothering me!”

This time I could hear his wife giggling.

“You two scared the living daylights out of me!!” I feigned indignancy.

They started laughing hysterically.

We chatted — me in their dark kitchen, them in South America on vacation, through a surveillance camera at the ceiling.

“Are you guys having fun?” I asked.

“We’re having a great time,” the camera said.

Smooth moves and smiles

I asked the camera if it needed me to do anything else, to which it said no, so we signed off and I finished watering the plants. It reminded me of the time my other neighbor told me she’d seen me in footage from her outdoor surveillance cameras while I was taking care of her dog.

When she told me this it was the first time I learned folks could see me doing my thing. I still haven’t asked that neighbor if she also saw me dancing on the patio to my reflection in her window, Spotify blaring from my phone, waiting for the dog to roam the backyard. In truth, I hope she did.

It’s not because I have all the smooth moves. It’s because I know how entertaining it would be to see my neighbor doing the same thing.

These days there are so many disturbing videos out there taken from surveillance and body camera footage. We watch in horror or fear. We walk away in dismay. This surveillance story had the opposite effect. I walked away with a smile on my face and the urgency to tell my husband as soon as I got home.

“Honey, you’ll never guess who I just talked to!”

I love when a happier story prevails.