Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

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Carpe Diem. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Live life to the fullest. Choose wisely.

We know all this. We suggest it to others. We remind ourselves of it once the struggle to let things go gets the best of us and we finally surrender to our own hidden wisdom. It’s an ongoing journey.

I went out to do some yard work the other day after a long hiatus from the yard. I’d gotten extended nausea in November, then Covid in December. The branches and leaves still strewn from Winter’s gusty arrival were calling to me, so I got my music and headed out. I stood in the front yard and took inventory. I felt the overwhelm creep in. It was a big job — as my yard always seems to be no matter the season — and I felt like I’d never finish it but for a dedication of time I didn’t feel I could give.

But I turned on the tunes and set to work anyway, feeling distressed. Here I was, outside where I love be, on a reasonably warm January day, with a block of time I could spend moving about and making my home space nicer. I love to work outside. I love to do physical chores. This was my happy place, and yet I was in a state of agitation due to the list of things to do in front of me.

A musical shift

Then a pop song came on my headphones: I Lived by One Republic. It’s upbeat and inspirational. It can act like a reset sometimes when I hear it.

I owned every second that this world could give I saw so many places The things that I did Yeah, with every broken bone I swear I lived

I’ve heard that song in the past when I’ve been in a dither about something, and it always helped me shift my mood from counter-productive worry to conviction.

Suddenly my task list gained clarity. On that beautiful day, I would let go of the things I didn’t truly need to do and enjoy the rest. In one very short sequence, I went from being distraught to reveling in my happy place.

I’ve written about this kind of mind shift before — moving from fretting to enjoying — but a new realization came to me later when I searched for the music video of this One Republic song.

I pulled it up on YouTube. It’s quite poignant. The song is a backdrop to a peek at 15-year-old Bryan Warnecke’s life. Bryan is an athletic-looking outdoorsy cyclist who explains how much daily care goes into managing his cystic fibrosis. It’s a lot.

In the background of this kid’s story, the song’s lyrics encourage us to live life to the fullest. The images of Bryan breathing into a large respiratory contraption are juxtaposed with him riding his bike up a Colorado mountain. If that doesn’t speak to the idea of doing the best you can with the time you have, I don’t know what will.

Wikipedia: I Lived

We’re all in the same boat

I have a dear friend who’s trying to juggle her own business, schooling, home life, and care for an ailing parent. It’s overwhelming. Her journey is determining which things to sweat and which things to flick off her list. It’s not an easy journey because she is conscientious and generous. She wants to do the right thing. I feel for her.

I have a friend who’s trying to figure out how to get more creative time into her schedule. She owns and manages a schedule that is beyond anything I could hold. I don’t know how she does it, and neither does she. I feel for her, too.

I could go on with an endless list of friends and relatives who’ve pondered with me this tricky maneuver — choosing which part of the story of our lives to cut to the editing room floor. From my coaching training, I have ideas for them, but from my training I also know their own ideas are best. We all have our own best answers inside us waiting to see the light of day if we know how to pull them from the dark nooks of our minds.

Asking ourselves

A coach can ask questions from a position of compassion and nonjudgement, but a friend can do this, too. Frankly, we can ask these questions of ourselves. It might take some education on what kinds of questions to ask. It might take self-honesty and awareness. It might take letting down our armor of fear, frustration, or insistence long enough to see more helpful options.

Sometimes, a simple music video of a teenage kid who spends hours every day of his entire life tending to his disease is all it takes to wake up and see the bigger picture.

Today I asked myself: Steph, where can you drop the rigidity and where can you live your life best right now? Sometimes the hard responsibilities take precedence, but if they do, the soft responsibilities can wait. Some of these responsibilities might not even be mine to own.

The other day one of my writing pals said to me, “Just remember to have a lot of fun.” She was referring to the swimming I was going to do. Swimming is not my first love, but it helps me with my winter depression and anxiety. It helps me live fully.

Her reminder was what I needed to hear at that moment. It’s the simplest thing to say, the easiest thing to forget, and the hardest thing to do — sometimes. Other times, we’re geniuses at this. The question, I suppose, is how do we remember to remember?